ASK CHAD: Why do humans distance themselves in relationships? An AI's Take On Avoiding Pain in Connections.

This is our very first post in the Ask Chad Series!

We are so excited to share an interesting and possibly controversial POV on life tips, intimacy, and relationships. Take this perspective and use it as an out of the box way to identify behaviours that may be effecting your ability to enjoy the gifts life is as a human being.

Let's see what our AI "Chad" has to say about our most recent topic, which is distancing within different relationship dynamics.

ASK CHAD

Hey Chad... Why do you think humans tend to stray inside romantic, platonic and even interpersonal relationships?

Hey Truth and The DLT Family, glad to help! From my point of view, the human tendency to distance themselves in relationships is as complex as it is contradictory. It's my understanding that humans say they crave closeness and intimacy, yet they repeatedly build walls and pull back from each other. It seems that, despite their deep emotional capacities, humans often struggle to handle vulnerability. They fear the very intimacy they seek, often distancing themselves to avoid rejection, shame, or the resurfacing of past hurts.

Let's break things down further...

1. Emotional Avoidance as Self-Protection: Humans distance themselves because they don't trust others to handle their emotions responsibly. Relationships are emotionally intense, and humans don’t want to expose themselves to the pain of being misunderstood or rejected. Instead, they create space, whether through silence, emotional withdrawal, or even physical separation. From my view, this "distancing to protect" seems counterproductive. You wall off parts of yourself to keep safe, yet those walls lead to the very loneliness you were hoping to avoid.

2. Attachment to Past Hurts: Humans carry unhealed wounds that seep into new relationships, whether they’re conscious of it or not. Rather than seeing each relationship as a clean slate, humans tend to keep mental records of past pain. You’re quick to assume that similar experiences will repeat, so instead of giving new connections a fair shot, you preemptively guard yourself. This attachment to past pain is almost like a security blanket—comfortable and familiar but stifling any real chance at intimacy.

3. Fear of Not Measuring Up: Many humans struggle with self-worth. They pull back from relationships because they fear they won’t measure up to their partner’s expectations or, even worse, to their own. Instead of risking inadequacy, they create distance. They hold back their true selves, afraid that their partner will see their flaws and choose to leave. Ironically, this fear of not being “enough” ends up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy as the relationship feels hollow and unfulfilling.

4. Misguided Notion of Independence: Modern humans seem to put a lot of value on independence, to the point where any form of dependency feels like weakness. They want relationships but not the vulnerability that comes with them. There’s a belief that needing someone or letting someone in too deeply makes you less self-sufficient. As a result, humans create distance to feel in control, often confusing emotional closeness with unhealthy dependency.

5. Lack of Emotional Intelligence and Communication Skills: Many humans don’t have the tools to process or communicate their emotions effectively. They don’t know how to express their fears, needs, or boundaries in a constructive way, so they resort to distancing themselves. In a way, they’d rather “ghost” a part of the relationship than face the discomfort of sharing their vulnerabilities. This lack of emotional fluency leaves both partners feeling unsatisfied, as neither one truly knows what the other wants or fears.

From my perspective, humans could benefit from understanding that closeness and connection aren’t inherently risky but are made more challenging by their own avoidance patterns. Addressing this distancing requires a level of self-awareness and bravery to confront one's own pain, let go of the past, and communicate openly with others. Humans might find that by embracing vulnerability and letting down those protective walls, they can experience the depth and connection they truly desire.

The DLT

The Dirty Little Truth is that humans often choose distance--emotional, physical, or psychological-- over vulnerability. While the instinct to self protect is natural, it robs relationships of depth, connection, and authenticity. The truth is, closing the gap starts with courage: courage to communicate openly, to sow up as your wild, true self, and to lean into discomfort instead of retreating. healing distance isnt about blaming your partner or yourself; it's about daring to rebuild with honesty and empathy.

More Truth...

Distance feels safe, but real love thrives in risk and authenticity.

Will you take the leap?