I Wonder If I'm Doing Too Much

#Kryptonite

Dear diary,

Am I doing the most by worrying in life?

I remember back in 2015 I had so much drive, and in an instant, it feels like things went far left. Being a woman with so many aspirations confuses me. I then feel misguided by my own interpretations of life. Getting lost in the world and then myself and then understanding that I am the world. I just want to feel. Sometimes I'm too perfect for my own psyche to hang on and ride out the wave of knowing oneself in a sea of matter. Do my words even matter? I never fully know if one can hear what I hear and know what I know to even e compelled to want to know me, to want to desire me at my full. Isn't that what's best for us all? A deep yearning for each other to do their best? If I can follow myself, I would say I'm deep in love but running from the shadow that feels cold and lonely and mute. I wonder am I doing too much? Am I having my eggs in too many baskets and hands in too many bushes. I'm a poor example of imperfection within and do not exist to become that for others, so I refuse to see that in others. I wonder how that thought transpires into another. After all, this is just writing... just words.

So many things I want to be, so simple yet so complex. So much knowledge I want to exude but I'm lost in the space of matterlessness. I know, I know all. But do I believe it? Is there really a right or wrong way to materialize and evolve? Does my recipe have too many flavors or am I clear on your palette? How about for myself in my own mind and eye of me. Can you tell there are more "me's" inside of myself than I let on? A true extra in the film called life. But part of her wants to shine bright too. And she will... as soon as she can agree that too much is a mental construct and it does not matter either way... it just is.

Thank you. Love you, -Truth