#NotMyProblem - The Truth About Distancing From Pain and Conflict In Relationships.

Hey Babes!

Did you know that when people feel hurt in relationships, they tend to push and pull away? Be it platonic, but especially romantic, there is a high number of modern relationships resulting in ghosting, misunderstandings, miscommunication, and more unnecessarily.

Ever heard of the phrase, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going?” This means that it takes great resilience to keep persevering in tough situations in life, with a couple being relationships and building genuine connections. But, never fear! I want to help paint the picture of what pulling away and creating distance in different dynamics looks like and clarify what types of distances there are in relationships.

Let me give you the DLT! This will help you identify behaviors in yourself and/or your partner and open you up to ways to rectify the gaps in your connections with yourself and others.

Okay, let’s chat about what it really means to distance yourself in your love life and maybe even within your friendships. How does this impact you? What can you do to resolve this situation?

The DLT:

The Dirty Little Truth is that distance in relationships, whether physical, emotional, mental, or psychological, can deeply impact connection and intimacy between partners. When a gap of any kind begins to grow, it often changes how partners communicate, show affection, and feel valued in the relationship. It hardly feels good and often creates confusion, and can trigger things like insecurities or fears from the past. Recognizing the different types of distance and their potential impact can help couples and friends understand how to bridge these gaps and strengthen their connection.

Physical Distance

This type of distancing is usually the most impactful when dating romantically or friendships and even families. Physical distance refers to the literal geographical separation between partners, as seen in long-distance relationships or instances where one partner frequently travels for work. When separated by miles, maintaining intimacy can be challenging. You know, when this happens, we can tend to long for our partner.

Couples must often rely on digital communication, which may lack the warmth of in-person interaction, creating a barrier to physical connection. Over time, physical distance can strain a relationship if partners aren’t proactive in finding ways to feel close. Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? Is long-distance your style? It’s important to ask yourself these questions to know yourself authentically and to be able to clearly define what you do and do not desire in relationships.

Impact: Partners may feel lonely, miss the warmth of physical touch, and struggle with feelings of isolation, intimacy, affection, and physical reassurance. Long-distance relationships, for instance, require clear communication and regular check-ins to help each partner feel secure and connected.

Solution: Okay babes, here are my tips on how you and your partner can stay close, even when miles apart!

1. Set a Regular Check-In Routine

• Schedule daily or weekly times to call or video chat. I love a good romantic and sometimes naughty video call if you catch my drift. Basically, consistency helps create stability in long-distance relationships.

2. Surprise Each Other with Small Gestures

• Mail each other small, thoughtful items, like handwritten notes or a “bae box” filled with their favorite snacks, trinkets, and photos. It’s a fun and creative way to create “physical” presence, even from afar. You can literally send your energy to your lover—mission complete.

3. Use Technology Creatively

• Have you heard the Doja Cat song “Cybersex” or “Computer Love” from back in the day? You get the idea. On a serious note, there are apps out there that let you watch movies together or even play games while you talk. Almost every social media platform has a video calling capability, so you can video your honey, no matter who is team Android or iPhone. Find new ways to share moments that you’d usually share or do in person. Go wild and have fun!

4. Share Your Day Through Photos and Voice Notes

• Sending each other snapshots or voice notes throughout the day makes your partner feel included in moments, adding a sense of togetherness. A little selfie always makes the day brighter from your boo.

5. Make Future Plans Together

• Plan visits or shared activities for when you’ll next be together. Having something to look forward to builds excitement and reminds you both that distance is only temporary. It’s also a great way to practice manifesting and being intentional. Win-win.

Don’t forget to prioritize honesty and vulnerability with your partner. Be your wild, true self. Discuss how the distance is affecting you openly, even when it’s not easy. Addressing it head-on strengthens trust and makes both of you feel emotionally close, even while physically far apart.

Emotional Distance

Emotional distance happens when partners struggle to share their feelings or be vulnerable with one another. Often, it stems from unresolved conflicts, mismatched needs, or the feeling that one’s partner isn’t emotionally supportive. Sometimes this happens because of a lack of emotional awareness, depth, IQ, and capacity. Honestly, most people are not equipped or knowledgeable of how to put how they feel into words. The art of communicating is a skill, yet understanding the heart is still to be defined.

Emotional distance can creep in slowly and is often the most harmful, as it affects the foundational trust and intimacy in a relationship. You can ask yourself: What am I holding back from sharing and why? When my bae seems distant, how do I react, what am I feeling in those moments and what do I need? What may my partner need from me in those moments? Often times I find that I just need to relax and breath first and get to a state of alignment and okayness, ad then address the gaps and mutual feeling with clarity and logic.

Impact: When emotional distance arises, partners may feel misunderstood, unloved, or neglected, potentially leading to resentment. They may start confiding in others outside the relationship, deepening the divide. Emotional closeness requires open communication and empathy to bridge the gap.

Solution: You have to dig deeper. Mutually set aside time daily or weekly to check in with one another and see what's going on with them. Ask non-judgmental questions about how you're both feeling-- like "What's been on your mind lately?" or "Is there anything I can support you with right now?" During this time, practice being the listener. Try not to interrupt, offering only empathy and validation.

This is the DLT on how you can create a safe space for both you and your honey or friend, to share emotions that might otherwise go unspoken. This is how you can begin building trust and gradually close the emotional distance through mutual understanding and connection. How loving?

Intellectual Distance

Intellectual distance involves a lack of shared interests, values, or intellectual compatibility. When partners have different intellectual pursuits, educational backgrounds, or interests, they might find it hard to connect on a deeper level. For instance, if one partner is deeply passionate about philosophy while the other prefers lighter topics, they might find it challenging to engage in meaningful conversations.

Impact: Intellectual distance can make one or both partners feel that they are not understood or appreciated for their perspectives.

Solution: Easy peasy! To overcome this, partners should show curiosity toward each other’s interests and make efforts to find common ground. Be your wild true self. This is an opportunity to live on the leading edge of life and immerse yourself in new experiences with your partner. This is the fun part of relationships. Share what you know with your partner and be willing to give that same interest and focus to their shared hobbies and knowledge.

Psychological Distance

Psychological distance, sometimes called "self-distancing," occurs when partners subconsciously detach as a protective mechanism. This type of distance can be a response to trauma, previous relationship issues, or insecurity. A partner might feel the need to “guard their heart” and, as a result, create an invisible wall that prevents them from getting too close. We call these "Mental Games". Sometimes this can be confused for or coupled with future faking, being hot and cold, and mixed signals.

Impact: Psychological distance can lead to a feeling of coldness or inaccessibility, leaving one partner feeling they are in a one-sided relationship. Punishment through distance and silence can derive. Ladies often times can feel like they are not a priority in a mis-matched psychological union.

Solution: Ok hun, the DLT is that overcoming psychological distance requires patience, self-awareness, and sometimes professional guidance to work through past experiences and fears, on your end or theirs or both. My usual remedy is to prioritize yourself and get back in order with your needs, wants self perception and mental clarity. Let diving deeper into yourself be a fun habit for yourself.

A wall is a wall and unless you feel like climbing that wall only to meet the next, I suggest giving them the space to do their inner work while setting the example for your partner. Show them that living vulnerably and truthfully is enjoyable and possible. It's okay to motivate and inspire your partner through your own life example and efforts. Share yourself wherever you are received and reciprocated, while trusting that if they do the work, they too will learn to reap the benefits of being authentic and free. Keep you first because you have a purpose and your personal impact may be beyond your current relationship. The relationship or friendship you're in just may be the catalyst for your own opportunity to grow and change.

Financial Distance

Financial distance can stem from differing financial situations, habits, or goals. Money issues are among the top causes of conflict in relationships. Approximately 86% of newlyweds start their marriages in debt, which can strain relationships further. When partners view or handle finances differently, or one partner earns significantly more than the other, it can create tension and lead to power imbalances or feelings of inadequacy. Needless to say, but focus on your bag, individually and together.

Impact: Financial distance often leads to arguments, hidden financial decisions, or shame.

Solution: Effective communication about financial goals, budgets, and priorities is essential to bridging this type of distance and achieving financial harmony as a team. Learn financial literacy and position yourself around knowledgeable individuals who share your same financial goals. Use Youtube etc but be discerning.

Spiritual Distance

Spiritual distance occurs when partners have different religious beliefs, spiritual practices, or views on life's purpose. This type of distance can feel profound, as spiritual beliefs often shape core values and life perspectives. When two partners are on different spiritual paths, it can lead to misunderstandings or even make one partner feel like they are “not seen” for who they are. One partner can begin to feel devalued and shameful.

Impact: Spiritual distance can lead to a feeling of disconnection on a soul level, as spirituality often involves deeply personal beliefs. This can result in feeling loneliness even while near your partner. Finding a middle ground, where each partner respects and acknowledges the other’s beliefs, can help bridge this divide. Take the time to make an intimate and safe space to talk about each other’s beliefs and ask questions. This is your chance to practice vulnerability, support and accepting one another as you are and as you grow together.

Maintaining Closeness Despite Distance Is Possible!

Did you know there were that many types of ways to become distant in your relationships and friendships? The DLT is that to keep the relationship strong in the face of any type of distance, communication is key. Partners should make a conscious effort to be open, transparent, and supportive, even when facing differences. Stay loving, patient, and kind with your bae; after all, they are yours.

Scheduling regular check-ins, showing genuine interest in each other’s lives, and practicing empathy can help partners stay connected. Recognizing these different forms of distance can allow you and your lover or friend to take proactive steps to nurture your connection and deepen your bond. Love is sweet! Life is just as sweet. Let’s spend more time learning each other and finding ways to support those efforts.

Much love to all the couples and single lovers on a self-love journey!

Truth

[The statistic that nearly two-thirds of couples married for five years or less started in debt comes from a study by Ramsey Solutions.]